My Life For Sale?

I recently read where an Australian citizen is selling his life through eBay. Is there anything you cannot sell on eBay? Apparently he has been jilted by his wife of 5 years (in a relationship with her for 12) and now he feels he has to give it all up as everything is a constant reminder of her and his life with her. (I would think a pill and some therapy might work, but what do I know?)

Anyway, it got me to thinking if I were to sell my life and all of its contents, what would I sell it for and who would even consider buying it? It does make you think. Of course, I have this problem of having 2 children, a husband, and four dogs, or could I simply throw them all in the mix? And where would I go once the final deal was made? I mean, I certainly have joked about selling them all and moving, but I still need a buyer. And I really should decide what I really want to take me when I go.

So IF I were to sell everything, I would imagine the list might look something like this:
First of all the buyer would have to live in New Jersey. Now that being said, I would have to summarize the good things about living in NJ. That alone might jeopardize the whole sale. I mean the taxes alone would be like selling a box of rocks.

Then there’s the house. It’s new and in great condition. No issues there, except that it is on a busy street and there’s the tiny issue of the house next door that is now housing old people, crazy old people. BUT we do have that new fence that keeps them OVER there. (Remember that blog?) And if the dogs are included, which they would be, the buyer would have to maintain the grass and all the shrubs in the back which is like having a nagging toothache constantly. Seriously.

As for the contents, those that I are mine; the list would be long enough to peak some interest in a potential buyer. First of all, there’s the whole content of my arts and crafts room. That might be fun for someone who likes to sew and glue and paste and color and scrapbook. I’ll even throw in the bazillion buckets and bins of material I have collected over the past 25 years. BUT the buyer would have to weed through a ton of stuff that might take up way too much of their life. I do have many collectables, none of which have any real value except the sentimental kind, which a buyer could eventually come to use for themselves. There’s some potential.

I have a BIG closet of clothes, all size 14, and all seasons covered. (I would have to take a few things, but the buyer and I could haggle that out, if need be). I am partial to my handbags, and I do own a few Coach bags, so that alone might be a place to think about a bid. The purchase would include my lap top and my iPod which is loaded with great tunes. I’m also throwing in my camera, and my cell phone (my friends are all in there and THREE important ICE (in case of emergency) contacts, so if the buyer is involved in an emergency, three competent people would be at their side to help them). I have a library full of incredible books. No one else here reads, so you are bidding on a huge amount of books! Quite honestly, this might be one of the highlights of the purchase. No kidding.

The job. Now if you are an L&D nurse, this might work out for you. I would imagine if your background is like mine, you might just slip into my job slot. (I haven’t yet asked the boss if she would be willing to replace the winner of my life with my job). It’s not a bad gig. Although there have been some cut backs (like everywhere), so this might not be an option for someone who is REALLy interested in working two days a week, 12 hour shifts, caring for screaming women.

Ok, now then the husband. He’s a great guy and makes a great salary, so you would not have to worry about financial security, although he might prefer someone who helps bring home a few dollars. I cannot list his bad habits, BUT if the buyer is serious enough, and makes a serious BID; I will fill them in ahead of time. (Hey, someone out there may not care about all the hair...) Sorry no take backs once you purchase my life.

Then there are the kids. Both are still doing the school (college) thing, so you might really think about that before placing that final bid. Good kids, but these day, kids = dollars. Even adult kids are struggling and need help now and then.

My siblings. Two GREAT sisters, so this is a bonus. I have two brothers and one has a boat! (I see fishing in your life if you are the winner). Family get -to - gethers are an added bonus. IF you are not a family person, please do not bid. I mean, that is IF you are looking for a Brady Bunch type family. If not, you might love this life of mine. Kooky family and all.

The mother. As the oldest, and as the one who knows all about medical stuff (so my siblings keep telling me, which really is a crock of bull since I only deal with women and their “v-jay-jays”) I am responsible for ensuring the medical health of my mom. So this means appts, appts, and more appts, and then educating her as to what to take and what not to take together. She is up there in age and can be demanding. (I might clean out the craft area if you bid knowing this fact).

The dogs. Might be the perfect lot for the “dog lover.” Imagine your life with FOUR BIG dogs! Wooo, hooo! Bid, bid, bid! This however would include taking one of them to the library four times a month as she works as a therapy dog. This non-negotiable. They are high maintenance dogs with all the hair, baths, pooping, etc. Remember BIG dogs eat big. (I bet I just scared off several bidders with that one).

My friends. I have a handful of incredibly wonderful freinds, and while I will share them I will not give them up. So you must be willing to share, and share nicely.

That's my life in a nutshell, cracked as it is. It seems the life for sale in Australia might be a better thing to bid on if you like all that excitement and travel. But if you are comfortable picking up after one man, two kids, and four BIG dogs, and hauling an old lady around every now and then, then perhaps my life might just be what you are looking for after all. Happy bidding!