When Someone We Love is Hurting

When someone we love deeply is hurting, be it a friend or family member, it’s not so easy, at times, to find the right words, or even the right approach in helping them. Even if we believe our insights or valuable advice might help them, the task can be daunting. There are no rules to follow in helping someone, except you use your heart and let it guide you. You also have to have the ability to listen and be nonjudgmental. Perhaps not always easy, but necessary. (The nonjudgmental stuff)

I strongly believe that we have to reach out with unconditional love. A hurting person may display intense emotions—tears, anger, bitterness, frustration, or sarcasm. We may feel tempted to withdraw from such emotional displays, but we need to draw near to the person who is in pain. Especially when it is someone we love dearly and want to hold in our hearts.

I believe we have to understand, rather than fix the hurting person’s feelings. We may mean well when we try to persuade a hurting person to "cheer up," but suffering is often an integral ingredient of life’s experience. We must acknowledge a person's pain, not try to put an emotional bandage over it. THIS is not so easy for a mom to do. I struggle with this all the time.

I believe we have to find specific ways to be supportive. People who are hurting often struggle in asking for help or guidance. The smallest expressions of love and demonstrations of caring can mean a great deal to some who is hurting. There's an old expression: "If we don't demonstrate our love, it doesn't do anyone any good." Hurting people need expressions of love they can see and feel.

I believe that when we share our own struggles with others, we demonstrate the ability to be open and the ability to communicate things we might struggle to share. I've found those that are hurting benefit tremendously when they can talk with someone who's transparent about their own struggles. Such honesty breaks down the barriers of isolation that suffering often erects. Loving someone is easy. Watching them hurting is not easy. Sharing with them is not always so easy. Being able to help them when they are troubled uses both love and the ability to share openly feelings we might otherwise keep to ourselves. No one wants to see someone they love hurting. Especially when you are a mom.